Thursday, July 14, 2005

"Hungry" dudes at Rittenhouse Square

You meet some of the craziest people at the Square.... there was that homeless guy who had the best jokes..... he came up to me and my friend and didn't ask for any money. All he said was,

"Can I tell you ladies a joke?"

We shrugged and said yeah. It wasn't really dark out yet, and besides his smell, he seemed pretty harmless.

Then he got real squinty-eyed serious and animated.... "Tommy's mom has three kids" (he has up three fingers), "Penny and Nickel, what is the third child's name?"

"Dime" my dumbass answered.

"No! Tommy!"

The two of us smiled. He was encouraged by this, because he said "I got another one."

"What travels everywhere but never leaves the corner?"

My friend and I looked at each other puzzled.

"A stamp."

Then the last and best one....

"What is the best nation in the world?"

America? Is the answer he is looking for America? I think in my head....

"DOUGH-nation! Can I get some change?" he puts out his hand....

My friend and I giggled and gave him some money for being so charming.

Today was Germ's birthday. I took him to that coal oven pizza place on Walnut.... it was yummy but too filling. So we boxed up half the pizza and were walking around with it on Walnut. First "hungry guy" didn't want it. Then we went to sit down at the park and another man came up to us and said "Hey, do y'all have some change so I can get something to eat?"

"Actually, we do have a fresh half-pizza"

"Nah, I'm not hungry..... can I get a cigarette brother?" Germ lights him a cigarette. (Wait, didn't he JUST SAY he wants to get something to eat? Than he says he isn't hungry? WTF?")

"Are you sure?" I said. "It's got roasted zucchinni on it."

"Roasted WHAT?"


"Zucchinni!, what's zucchinni?"

"You know, a vegetable" I said.

"A VEGETABLE?! Forget that!"

He downward slaps the air and walks away and sits with a group of guys on another bench who are tying rubber bands around their forearms. This is happening a few feet away from laughing little kids who are chasing dogs and pigeons.

I don't want to accuse anyone of shooting up in the park, it's just circumstantial evidence. I mean, I would tie rubber bands around my hands all the time when I was in school...... but heroin addict I was not..... if anything, it was more for that "whoooooaaaah! my fingers are cold and blue" feeling. But when an adult does it, it means something else. By the way, the sun was still up. Where were the cops?


At 1:21 PM, Anonymous Rockstar said...

Some giant rat bit me in Rittenhouse.

Luckily I didn't drop my manly Kahlua drink.

- Rockstar


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