Thursday, May 12, 2005

Excuse me, there is a finger in my chilli

RE: Finger in chilli

Dear Wendy's customer,

We have received your complaint regarding the piece of finger in your chilli. Here at Wendy's we take customer complaints very seriously. But first, I need some information from you.

1) Did the finger have a nail on it?

2) Was it a nail-polished finger? Possibly a woman's finger? (Damn Affirmative Action!)

3) Did the finger appear to be darker in color? Was it possibly an Arab or African finger? (If so, please contact the FBI and INS)

4) Which store location did the incident happen in? (Please say San Jose or some southern U.S. border..... those illegal border crossers wouldn't sue over an industrial accident)

5) Did you order the Atkin's-friendly chilli? I mean, you WANTED extra protein and fewer carbs, right? (Whachya complainin' about?)

We wouldn't want to lose a loyal, paying customer to our fine eating establishment so we would like you offer you a reward for being such a brave sport and for not telling your friends, lawyers or the media.....

Hell, I'm feeling nice, how about a free Jr. Frosty to EVERYONE in America this weekend? Absolutely free. No coupon needed. No purchase necessary. Just come in and say "Free Frosty" Friday May 13th through Sunday May 15th.

So why don't you quit complaining, and get to a participating Wendy's now? Then you can sit back and relax like me, with your high-calorie, ice-cold chocolaty refreshment in hand. Ahhh, what a better way to spend a hot summer day? ....... Wait, I'm choking on something..... somethings stuck (pulling out a small curly piece of hair covered in Frosty from teeth.) There, its out (I TOLD those employees to wash their hands after using the bathroom.)

Anyways, thank you for writing. Now if you'll excuse me.... the Spice Channel isn't gonna watch itself.

Wendy's Customer Services Department


At 7:33 PM, Blogger Fly said...

I would like to know if there is a wendy's near the museum.

At 12:14 AM, Blogger rockstarandtheniff said...

This reminds me of the time I went to Hong Kong.

After a night of heavy drinking, I woke up the next morning with my fingernail missing. Shit happens people.

- Rockstar


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