Thursday, April 21, 2005

Space Cadet endorses man dates

Fellas – Have you ever hung out with another straight guy pal for conversation and maybe to share a meal? Then you mister – have been on a “man date.” Yeah I know it sounds gay to me too, but trust me it’s a great concept. I read this article all about man dates in April 10th’s NYT with fascination. Wow, I thought, what a shame it is that most men do not do this thing that women always have – go out with a straight friend of the same gender and have intimate conversations about “everything and nothing.”

Now you may say, “hold on Space Cadet, I just went out with a buddy of mine last night for a beer – does that count as a man date? Well were you small talking about the game you were both passively watching and about how you were gonna ask your boss for a raise later in the week? If the answer is yes, then that doesn’t count as a man date. Man dates are about really talking and listening to your buddy without the social lubricants of sports, business or alcohol. Wait – I take that comment about alcohol back… wine is ok. Beer is not. Did you see the movie Sideways? As the writer in the NYT article stated, Sideways is really about one long man date.

Psychologists have long studied the patterns in male and female friendships and have found that the most important quality in female friendships is lots of talking and sharing secrets, for males it is sharing activities. Actually, that’s one thing I really like about male friendships – how guys consider it their duty to help a friend move or fix a leaky toilet (actions speak louder than words) – but I digress. Guys need to talk and share more with each other too. Just don’t stop sharing activities, that’s cool…. I think girls should do that more too.

Now you may feel apprehensive about going on your first man date, but never fear Space Cadet is here. And I realize that the man date is by no means a new thing, many of you might already be man daters (and if you are, stop reading now) because here come the man-dating FAQ’s.

1.) Question: I would like to try this man date thing out, but what if people think I am gay?

Answer: Just don’t wear your necktie around your waist and remember to scratch your balls every 30 minutes or so and you’ll be fine.

2.) Question: How do I ask someone out on a man date?

Answer: First, you can’t ask a guy out like how you ask a woman out. It has to be a guy you know, someone you are already friends with. That elusive, sexy and knowledgeable barista boy doesn’t count. Bring it up casually and remember consuming a meal together is totally optional. A man date can be a “walk and talk” in the park. But if you DO get dinner, go Dutch (split the bill in half.) Unless you are Bengali, then you must fight over the check.

3.) Question: Will my girlfriend/wife get jealous that I am hanging out with someone else?

Answer: If you are honest about what you are doing then she probably won’t. If she DOES get jealous, it just means that she is codependent and you are better off with out her. This is the ironic part, because man dates actually help people from settling into co-dependent relationships. Your main squeeze might even appreciate it that you are bitching to your buddy about your issues with your parents/boss/friend instead of her.

4.) Questions: How will going on man dates change my life?

Answer: Numerous studies have shown that men in mid-life are happier and more satisfied in marriages than women in mid-life. Scientists attribute this to the fact that marriage (for men) provides emotional support that they may not get otherwise. Women, of course, find this emotional support network elsewhere with their mothers, aunts, girlfriends and female co-workers to name a few. Man dates can possibly lead to world peace. Ok…. maybe that’s stretching it. But think about it – communicating with other men can increase negotiating skills and sensitivity. The love then spreads to those immediately surrounding them, and then the power of exponents work. Boom, world peace.


At 12:29 PM, Blogger Kogi Kaishakunin said...

This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of. The problem is that here in the USA, two guys hanging out and talking about life universe and everything is seen as gay and pansy. I see it as insecurity. I think in my group of friends it is quite common to go out talk without any social lubricants like sports etc. And why is beer not acceptable? Anything goes that puts you in a state of chill. Or are you trying to come up with a set of rules for this so called "man date" thingy?

At 12:47 PM, Blogger Fly said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 5:11 PM, Blogger Joel said...

KK is right dev, this is soooo patronizing. the "need" for a ritual like "man dating" and the behaviors it is meant to correct have everything to do with Sex and the City reruns, and nothing to do with reality.

If you want boys to keep acting like retards, keep treating them like retards.

At 9:08 PM, Blogger Space Cadet said...

KK was lucky enough not to be born in America. Believe me, as a space cadet there are still many social intricacies of American culture that I do not get.... or accept. But I admit that they exist.

As a side note - My lack of cable television has left me with little knowledge of reality OR Sex and the City.

At 4:26 PM, Blogger Fly said...

I don't know what birth place has to do with anything. I wasn't born here, but I did grow up here.

I just don't like how the media tells us that two guys being friends is gay. So in that sense I agree with what you have to say.

Guys should be ok hanging out with each other and talking about anything without having to justify it or label it.

Look at Lenny and Carl. They started off as Homer's drinking buddies. Now they are the sexually ambiguous co-workers.

I really think there is no need to put a social title on two guys hanging out. A man date is a date only if there is an attraction between them. In fact a date between any combination of gender is a date only if there is an attraction between two people.

Personally I don't go on too many dates with females, but I know its a date because thats how its defined. I know that there is a chance to not only get to know someone on a deeper level, but potentially on a more physical level as well. Other times I am just chillin with people. And thats when I know there is a more relaxed atmosphere and I dont have to worry about sucking my gut in or anything. Its just chill. I think I prefer chillin with people over dating.

on a side note - cadet makes alot of guys act like retards even when she doesn't treat em as such.


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