Monday, June 21, 2004

Father's Day

I always get this weird feeling at the bottom of my stomach on Father's Day. Jeff was nice enough to invite me along with him and his family to the beach on Sunday..... I originally said "yes" but the closer the date came, the weirder it felt and I pulled out at the last minute. I decided that it would be too intense.

I don't know what triggers it, but sometimes something small will trigger some big pain inside of me. Sometimes it will be a Father's Day poster on a display window of a store, or sometimes if I see little kids playing with their dad.... I remember how my dad would teach me how to swing a cricket bat on our front yard in Narinda. I keep thinking about all the things that I never got to tell him and the things that I will never get to do with him..... like showing him my photographs from India that are getting published and going gambling with him in Las Vegas. He never will get to listen to "Enron Jawn" that I recorded with Wes. It sucks.

My mom went to a graduation party so instead of staying home alone, I visited a man who I see as a father figure even if we have no blood relation, Babul uncle. I got him a copy of Wes's record that I sang on, and spent time with Tisa and Lisa after a long hiatus. Bhaabi auntie made killer friend shrimp.... it was sooo good! We had some good conversation and watched some of that romantic movie that Amir Khan and Juhi Chawla first did together, I love that movie but can't spell the name.... its so innocent and has nice music. "Field of Dreams" came on and bummed me out a little.... that image of the dad playing ball with his son gets to me. The dad eventually had a heart attack too. Luckily we didn't watch that movie for too long.

Sometimes I wish I were in a movie, where horrible things are more easy to accept. You keep telling yourself that they are just acting and when the movie is over everyone will be happy and alive again.


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